The Art of War
by jelazakazone
Summary: Arthur thinks he's failed at work; Merlin consoles him. You can now find a related sequel here: /s/8582664/1/Aftermath-of-the-Art-of-War-Reflections-and-Inspiration


This was written for alby_mangroves 's birthday. I asked her for a prompt and she wanted "Kitchen/food/playful/messy" with Arthur/Merlin. I was also taken with the picture from a_shot_of_brad where Arthur is in chainmail carrying a laptop. merryrose11 suggested that people should wear armor to work more and well, the idea was irresistible to me. kleinefee92 generously beta'd.

Dejected, Arthur trudged up the apartment stairs, armor clanking with each step. His laptop felt like a lead weight in its little case and that ridiculous sword Merlin had convinced him to bring felt like _two_lead weights. At the door, he set the computer and sword down and wriggled his key into the lock.

The door creaked open, jangling Arthur's already taut nerves. No sign of Merlin. No sign of anything. Blood roared in Arthur's ears.

"Merlin," he roared. "Merlin, where are you?"

From the very back of the apartment, where the kitchen was, Arthur heard faintly, "I'm in the kitchen. Just a minute."

The sound of Merlin's voice soothed him slightly. He let out a puff of air, relaxed his shoulders and said, "Stay there."

He picked up the computer and sword, brought them just inside the door, and nudged the door closed with his boot. Long strides took him to the kitchen where the aroma of chocolate wafted cheerfully to greet him.

"Merlin? What are you up to?" Arthur asked suspiciously.

Merlin turned around, startled by Arthur's question.

"I'm making a celebratory pudding!"

Arthur felt his blood pressure rise. "You idiot. I'm sure I'm going to get fired because of you."

"Oh no!"

Merlin frowned, looking wounded, which never failed to soften Arthur's heart. Merlin started to walk towards Arthur, but Arthur noted chocolate smeared hands and stepped back.

"Stop! You're going to get this armour dirty and it's bloody hard to clean."

"Like you would know," Merlin smirked.

"Yes, well, I'm just trying to save you extra work."

"Here, open your mouth. Taste this."

Unable to resist the lure of chocolate and Merlin's labors, Arthur opened his mouth.

"Mmmmph," he moaned, unable to articulate anything else. After he'd swallowed, he said, "My god, what is that? No, don't answer. Give me more. It's just what I need after my day."

"What happened, exactly?" Merlin pressed again.

Arthur didn't answer, he grabbed the spoon and took another healthy lick, moaning as the delectable treat filled his mouth again.

Merlin put the spoon down and wiped his hands on a cloth. He pressed Arthur down onto the stool they had in the kitchen.

Standing between Arthur's knees, looking down, Merlin demanded, "Tell me."

Arthur slumped. He steeled himself, knowing that he had to hold himself responsible for what had happened. It had been Merlin's idea, but he had decided to try it.

"You know how you had joked after reading that chapter of The Art of War that if I was a warrior, I should dress like one?" Arthur sighed, drawing his courage together to continue. "So, I took the advice to heart and I dressed like a warrior for my presentation today. I wanted to win this contract! Only my father berated me seconds before the meeting, I didn't have time to change, and I'm sure I blew the deal."

"Arthur," Merlin said placatingly, "You don't know that you blew the deal. Maybe your client loved it. You have to wait and see."

"Merlin," Arthur growled, "I looked like an idiot in front of my father and the whole company." He bit back the impulse to add, _because of your stupid suggestion_.

Merlin waved his hand about, searching for words. Then he reached behind him, grabbed the spoon, and daubed some chocolate on Arthur's nose.

Arthur grabbed for the spoon, but Merlin was surprisingly deft. Arthur stood up, pressing himself to Merlin's length, reaching for the spoon.

"Hah! Got you now!"

"No fair!"

"All's fair in love and war," Arthur declared, dropping chocolate on Merlin's nose now.

"Oh yeah?"

Merlin pressed himself up to Arthur, wrapping his arms the man, armor and all. He looked straight into Arthur's eyes and leaned in to kiss him.

_Bastard_, Arthur thought, before giving in to the kiss, feeling his heart melt even more. He heard a clatter and realized he'd dropped the spoon, distracted by Merlin's attentions.

Merlin broke off the kiss and stepped back. He was a sight to behold. Hair disheveled with some chocolate in it, streaks of chocolate across his face, and a delicious tenting at the crotch of his trousers. He tugged on Arthur's hand, leading him out of the kitchen.

Slightly dazed, Arthur asked, "What? Don't you have things to attend to in the kitchen?"

Merlin smiled, lighting up Arthur's whole world, and said, "Those things can wait. I have more important things to attend to."

Later that night, Arthur got a text from Uther. It said, "You got the contract. Well done, son."

Arthur thought that maybe Merlin wasn't such an idiot after all.


End file.
